i would've wrote you a letter, but

A few years ago when my family went to Chattanooga (a great place for a family vacation), we took the riverboat lunch cruise. I had already discovered Southerners had a lovely way of laughing at themselves and graciously letting you in on the joke. So I should not have been surprised to look up and see a sign on the boat's wall that said, "Paddle faster. I hear banjo music."

Now, I do enjoy folk music very much, and I did love the Celtic fiddling in Canada. But, despite my dad's best intentions, I have not been a country music fan. At least he can rest easy knowing he did inspire did a love of big band, if not Hank Williams.

Today, however, we can all enjoy the holiday, as it is official Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day. I planned to put these in a top ten sort of order, but I simply cannot choose the best. You will see why. But you can. Vote for your favorite. Or send one I haven't got here. Especially, if you have the counterpoint, maybe. There seem to be far too many of these that take jabs at the women. Let's see some equal time!

Here's A Quarter--Call Someone Who Cares (sometimes, I've got to admit, it's tempting . . . )

Fax Me A Beer

A Boy Named Sue ( I listened to this one a lot as a kid. It really was funny. And did you have any idea the writer was Shel Silverstein?)

She's Got A Butt Bigger Than The Beatles

I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home

You're the Reason Our Kids are Ugly

I Made Her the Queen of My Doublewide Trailer

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling (definitely a contender for the top five)

I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart

I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You (another top five)

If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me

You Can't Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd


Have fun and let me know your favorites!