This is
week five, the final, the ultimate, the World Series last game (Oh,
they have seven don't they? Which sport has five? Whatever.) week of
talking about Gretchen Rubin's questions to ask when you have a
difficult decision staring you in the face.
Fateful
Question #5 (This is it, folks):
If I
were looking back at this decision, five years from now,
what will I
wish I'd done?
I
actually do use this one a lot. I use it in parenting. If I say yes
or no here, what will it matter in five years?
I use
it in ministry. If I choose to go in this direction, what might the
cost or gain be in five years?
I'm
thinking maybe I need to use it in my eating habits, because
imagining my weight gain in five years just might get me to
reconsider that brownie making its way into my mouth completely on
its own power.
But since I'm a strategist by nature, I use this question to help clarify--what really matters in this decision?
Case in
point—Child #2 asked my advice in college choosing. Go to
the school seven hours away from home or the one fifteen minutes from
home? Mother's from-the-gut answer: Um, there's a choice there? Go to
the hinterlands of Minnesota or stay here with your loving loopy
family where you can do laundry for free and pilfer pantry items at
will? Really? Im not seeing the conflict here.
I desperately wanted to give her the answer—Stay. Here. With.
Me. Because I did not want to lose my baby.
But I
didn't. Because if I asked, “Five years from now, what will I wish
I'd done?” the answer would be, “I'd wish I had let her make her
own decision and go where God was leading her to go.” I knew that
five years from then, she would be gone anyway, and she had to be
going in the right direction for her. So my decision was to keep my mouth shut.
Taking
your hands off the wheel is a scary decision. Asking yourself, “Five
years from now, what will I wish I'd done?” helps lessen the scary
factor, because it forces you to examine the long-term outcome and
gain some perspective on the decision.
Perspective.
Such a key word. Paralyzing decisions become less so when we stop
focusing on the wall in front of us and look farther out, envisioning
where we want to be if we decide to scale it. Or where we could still
be if we don't. That's the alternative. Sometimes you may envision
the future of a choice and realize, “You know, I think I don't
really want to go there.” Or, “Hey, I'm pretty sure I don't want
to still be here.” Good or bad, you've gained perspective.
Finally,
five questions to ask yourself when faced with a risky or
uncomfortable decision:
What am
I waiting for?
What
would I do if I wasn't scared?
What
steps would make things easier?
What
would I do if I had all the time and money in the world?
If I
were looking back at this decision, five years from now, what will I
wish I'd done?
I think
I may have one more of my own to add. Next week. Sorry—that's a
teaser designed to get you to come back. That's how this whole gig
works, dontcha know. (Why yes, I do have Wisconsin roots, why do you
ask?)
Whatever
you're feeling fearful or paralyzed about right now, I help they help
you figure out whether it's a yes or a no on that decision. Either
way, make the decision. What are you waiting for?
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